He parks his small white van on the layby. Twisted, wincing, and contorting as he wheezes from the cold. Every now and then a car passes, its headlamps glowering in the lead grey morning, their orange-yellow light passing over the grass of the fields like mini spotlights before disappearing. As if they too, are searching for someone. No one stops. He sees no flashing hazards. He doesn’t look distressed to the other drivers. Probably taking a piss, they think. That’s usually why people stop there. Beyond the heavy metal rail, a vista of flat misshapen grass lays flat with puddles that never change nor evaporate, forever pooled in mud.

He isn’t fooled by the slow glimmers of a pallid sun, nor the silvery frost on the grass that shimmers like fish scales. In the distance, he notes a flank of trees, beeches, cedars and poplars. Despite wildfires on the other side of the world, here he has to turn his collar up to keep the chill out. His coat smells of cigarette smoke, both old and new, so thick and dense is the smell it has become in invisible layer in the fabric. He could leave his van here and disappear into the trees for a while. He is tempted to get swallowed up by nature.

The last he heard, the children were not in England, and he doesn’t know where they are. It’s been eighteen months since he has seen them. The last message he received from their mother was, “Stay away,” and then he was blocked. And try as he might, he could never get through. He wonders where she took them; the only place he can think of is Ireland because her cousin moved there, and Ireland isn’t far, but it is far enough.

His phone rings; he peers at the number. Private number. It’s not her. He would know if it were; he would feel it in his bones, in his padlockedheart. After a few rings he answers and pinches out a bit of fluff that has settled on his tongue.

“Yeah Imran, ‘ello mate, you alright mate? I’ve got a job comin’ up for yer, cash in ‘and. Bit of muscle, ‘eavy liftin. What you sayin?”

“Starting when?” Imran asks. A starling lands directly in front of him on the railing, its feathers mottled with tiny white spots. For a moment he wants to put the phone down and watch the bird, the way she breathes and tilts her head, her alert eyes as she takes in her surroundings.

“Er let me see,” the voice at the other end of the line says. He hears a rustling of paper followed by a loud phlegmy cough. He can’t remember this guy’s name despite having spoken to him several times over the last few months. He’s never met him or seen him and yet his voice feels familiar, like a stranger one sees during the daily commute to work.

“Day after tomorrow, up in Doncaster.”

A fifty mile drive and he has enough petrol.

“Sure,” he says.

“Oh and Imran, make sure you er, save the drinking for after, yeah?”

He hangs up without responding, his liver wincing. He imagines it, sloppy, grey, dull and sickly. He never thought the truth of him would be this.

The world is burning and searing into his consciousness. Worlds upon worlds.

“Hello,” he calls out to no one. The wind chimes back and bristles against his ear.

The van smells like an inside of an old shoe. He fumbles around the back until he finds the flask, rolling around on its side. So that’s what was making the noise at the back as he was driving. The cold metal shocks his fingers as he unscrews the cup and pours black tea into it, stewed, filmy and sour looking.

The blackcurrant-coloured bruise on his wrist throbs and aches all over. He flinches every time something touches it; tender is the flesh, etched on him like an embroidered wound; raw is the stitching. It throbs, and he aches all over. The tea scalds his tongue, but the scorching liquid jolts him into warmth that he feels sail down his oesophagus. Though it is dawn, he eyes the hue of twilight, rimmed with frosted light. Fewer cars pass by.

“Hello,” he calls out into the wind hoarsely.

He is wreckage.

The conker on the ground makes him wonder where the oak trees are. There must be some in the patch of woodland ahead of him, in the distance. He picks it up; it is large, deep brown and he can feel the shine, the burnished, brassy shimmer against the ridges of his gnawed fingernails.

He was lured to this layby before. He recognises it, against all the other laybys in all the other hinterlands that have always threatened to swallow him up whole.

What do they look like now, his children? He does not look at the photos on his phone. The tufts of hair that felt like swollen wool in his fingers, their soft milky smelling skin and the dimples, the strong nose they got from him, the stubbornness too. When things go quiet, when all he can hear is the low whistling of the wind and feel the silence enter his van as he sleeps, he has a deep knowing. They will seek him one day.

He embraces the wild thrill of living nowhere and everywhere, in keeping company with the stars.  Talking to the constellations.

He whispers to himself. His is a kind of Godless faith in the divine, a hapless sense of assuredness which he gets from deep within.

The stalks of flowerless flowers remain. The brittle winds and divine golden ripples on the water on a summer’s afternoon. Where the howling of the water comes not from the washing over rocks but from the deep scream out of the earth, into the fire of his heart.  He senses a knot in the longing, in the lies he says to himself when he says he is sure he will see them again. The deep ache in his bones does not stir him but keeps him still. The tiredness in his lungs. The dawn breaks into fragments, into shards of silver-white light that heats his gaze and illuminates the hope torn away from him when his spirits are low and his heart is crashing, and the waves in his brain dizzy him, and for a moment he feels that his breath will betray him. Bottles of gin roll around the back; there is whiskey too and rusted metal cups that knock against his belongings, as they thin out and waste away, as his belongings diminish. He is holding on to hope like a chain of gold. He imagines their faces the same and how they are shifting. They both inherited his strong nose and wide forehead. He was a terrible partner but a not so terrible father. He believes.

He is a free man, so to speak but everyone’s freedoms are different. Does he deserve to be angry? Yes and No.

He puts his flask away, closes the back of the van, patting the keys in his pocket to make sure they are still there and climbs over the railing. The grass is flat and cold; patches of sock around his ankle turn wet where his trainers have worn thin. He walks towards the trees, guarding the precious woodland. He sees cans of beer strewn across the muddy patches of grass, empty wrappers, and charred remains of what looks like endless fires. Fire after fire. An old sweatshirt, cigarette buds and an odd sock, wet and soggy with the picture of Donald Duck on it. The further he goes into the woodland, the more the childhood memories seep into his consciousness, his father skinning chickens with calloused hands, fingernails lined with dirt and blood. The hum of the traffic recedes as birdsong and the faraway drilling of a woodpecker force him to look up. Through the canopy of the old oaks and silver birches he can see swathes of sky, its distilled peace tinctured with the caw of crows. Something inside of him loosens, the knot that sometimes feels too tight; he feels the threads fraying; he feels it slacken inside, and he takes a deep breath. Yes, he thinks. Yes. He walks towards a tiny ripple of stream further ahead. The water, the way it washes over the rocks. He inhales its ripples and the damp smell of moss and pine and earthy rituals that whisper and comfort him. As a child he imagined living inside a small cave in a forest, a childish, fairy-tale dream he thought back then. But these dreams come back to him; they linger and exhale their breath on to him and lighten the load. For a moment, the burden lifts and makes him sigh.

“Hello,” he says out loud to no one in particular, but the leaves nearby appear to curl in response and the silence of the air, tempered by the easy flow of the stream makes him feel like the secret passages of his soul have been revealed.

He sits on a log, the rough bumps dig into his buttocks. It feels like he has walked a fair distance, but if he strains his ears, he imagines the odd motorbike or truck hurtling along the dual carriageway. The stream continues to wash over the rocks, and he envisions the silvery scales of fish, though he knows there are no fish here, the water is too shallow. He stands up, his whole body throbbing; he wants the ache to lift. Movement helps, and so he keeps walking; he wants to see how far he can go and whether he can make his way back to the van.

The battery on his phone is draining; he slips it back into his pocket and raises his legs high over the broken logs and trunks that have fallen in storms raged in the past. The sun is breaking out and flooding through the woodland, pouring itself like a stream through the canopy of the trees. He breathes in deeply and inhales the earthy scents that flourish. The fauna and foliage are rich and dense and the light turns streaky as the trees thicken and the woodland becomes denser until he is away from the stream and the traffic in the distance has all but vanished. This would be the perfect place to do mushrooms he thinks, but the thought is fleeting. Here, his skin feels soft, not beaten by the bracing winds out on the open road. Here, he feels like he is being watched over.

He doesn’t know what time of the morning it is. He may find his way back to the van only for it not to be there. He may not even find his way back.

There is a sudden urge to lie on the grass. To look up at the sky to watch the fleeting clouds above drift and sway and fray and fracture and glide above him. The ground is soft under his head, and he feels cushioned by the dense mud with patches of emerald moss.

Dada. He is remembering their first words. The way their skin smelt of comfort and joy and innocence.

He carried them on his shoulders, taking turns until his shoulders ached. Then the cartwheels. “Again! Again!” they exclaimed and then tried to copy him only to tumble clumsily on to the grass.

“I am still their dad. No one can take my place. They are part of me as I am part of them. No one can take my place. No one can replace me.” He repeats this again and again until it is like an incantation that soothes his spirit.

Though the sun has broken through the trees, he feels rain falling, floating in different directions as the wind blows. He thinks nothing of it until his feet are soaking wet and his body starts to shiver.

He turns around.

Surely, he thinks. Surely I just run back the way I came.

And so, he runs. Over the logs, crossing over the stream, the rain dropping into it like pellets; the mud spitting against the backs of his ankles as he becomes breathless. If I just keep going, I’ll end up where I came from, he thinks. Except the more he runs and the more breathless he becomes, the more he senses that he is getting further and further away from the van. He does not, for example, recall seeing the huge cluster of mushrooms and toadstools growing out of the woodland floor. Nor does he remember roots of a towering oak, spilling out, covered in moss, cascading downhill like a mossy waterfall of green velvet. But maybe he just didn’t notice. He stops for breath as the rain continues and now, he is soaked to the bone and the floor is slippery, and there is a smell of dampness like he is stitched into the very groin of the earth.

He wants nothing more than to be in his van now, the heat from the engine warming him, changing into the clothes that are stuffed in a plastic bag that he keeps on the passenger seat. But when he looks ahead, it all looks unfamiliar, and he realises he’s entered something way more vast than he imagined. He strains his ear to listen out for traffic, but the rain is hurtling down fast and he cannot hear anything but the rainfall. Is it raining where they are? He wants a drink. He has half a bottle of Jack Daniels in the back of the van; he wants to feel the burning sensation in this throat, feel his eyes water so that he can blame it on the whiskey. He looks ahead. He has a compass in his van. If only he thought to bring it; and now his phone has died. He has no idea which way is north or which direction he came from. Maybe he will just sit and wait for someone to find him, shrivelled in the rain like skin wrinkled in bath water. Completely soaked, he doesn’t want to stay still and feel his toes slipping around in his socks. He looks around, squinting as his face gets repeatedly and sharply splashed, like receiving a beating from God.

He sees a fallen log; its bumps and the angle of its reclining state seem familiar. He breathes hard and trudges along. Yes, I remember climbing over this. He climbs and squelches in the mud as the rain starts to abate. He trundles on. The children are speaking to him now. “Come and find us,” they are saying. “If not, we will find you.” He hates himself for not being there with them, for being a shit father. Now the wetness on his face is not rain water because it is warm and it is flowing and it is sealing his guilt and sealing in his determination to put things right.

There.

He spots a cluster of catkins dangling and a tall oak with gnarled trunk; he moves towards them. He sees footprints, almost smudged away from the rain but there, nonetheless. He carries on, and now he sees the opening, the vast expanse of grass beyond and the roads in the distance. His van is still there. He is soaked to the bone and shivering now. He fumbles around for his keys and places them in the lock, opens the door and sits inside shivering as he switches the engine on.

I’m home, he thinks.


Sophia Khan is writer and teacher based in the UK. She is a member of Rewrite London and has had short stories published in Rewrite Reads. She has been nominated for The Best of the Net in fiction and in 2023 she was longlisted for the Brick Lane Bookshop Short Story Prize. In 2024 she was shortlisted for the London Library Emerging Writers Programme and won silver in fiction for the Creative Future Writers Award. In 2025 she gained a place on the London Writers Award programme. She is currently part of the fiction cohort within the Harper Collins Author Academy.

Decolonial Passage is honored to announce the nomination for the AKO Caine Prize for African Writing. The Caine Prize aims to bring African writing to a wider audience. The prizes are awarded for a short story written by an African national. The Caine Prize organization also helps emerging writers in Africa enter the world of mainstream publishing. Congratulations, Daniel Naawenkangua Abukuri!


Short Story: “Oath” by Daniel Naawenkangua Abukuri

I

The War had ended, or so the soldiers said, but in Asanteman it felt as though the world had only changed its clothes. The air no longer shook with the whistle of bombs or the crackle of gunfire, yet silence carried its own kind of violence. Roofs still bore scars from shrapnel, roads were broken into gullies, and compounds stood abandoned, their walls marked with the red earth stains of hurried burials.

But worse than the ruins was the waiting.

Every evening, as the sun began to soften, the women gathered beneath the broad cocoa tree by the stream. Its branches spread wide like the hands of an elder blessing a people, though its roots now coiled around rusting tin helmets half-buried in the soil. The tree had seen the war. It had seen sons march past with rifles too heavy for their shoulders, seen planes circle like hawks above the villages, seen women carry cassava roots on their heads through the bush while their babies whimpered on their backs. Now, in the silence after, it became a place of vigil.

They came wrapped in faded cloth tied tightly around their waists, the wrappers patterned with stories of fish, tortoises, and shells. Some carried chewing sticks between their teeth, others fans woven from palm fronds. The air was heavy with the smell of palm oil and smoke clinging to their hair. They brought with them calabashes of water, baskets of peeled groundnuts, sometimes even kola nuts, though kola nuts were scarce and precious.

They did not gather for gossip, though their tongues sometimes strayed there. They gathered because sitting alone in their compounds, staring at the empty mats of their husbands or sons, was more unbearable than sharing silence together.

Maame Kukuuwa always arrived first. She was still young enough that her waist beads jingled when she walked, though her face had begun to carve itself into the tired lines of widowhood. Her husband, Bediako, was taken by the Ashanti army in the second year of the war. He was no soldier at heart, he was a schoolteacher, his head always bent over chalk and slate, but the recruiters swept through, demanding every able-bodied man. He kissed her forehead that morning, promising to return when the rains came. The rains had come and gone three times now, but his voice had not returned.

Still, Maame Kukuuwa wore the coral beads he gave her on their wedding night. The string was fraying, but she told herself that if she kept them close, it would anchor him back to her. Every time footsteps sounded on the road, her eyes lifted.

Then there was Maame Efua. Her son, Kwamena, had been only sixteen when he vanished. He ran off one morning with nothing but a rusty rifle slung across his shoulder, his chest puffed up with the fire of youthful bravery. “I will fight for Asanteman!” he shouted, his voice cracking like a boy’s, not yet a man’s. He never returned.

Maame Efua refused to believe he was dead. Every market day she roasted yam in her compound, laying a portion in a calabash by the door in case Kwamena came back hungry. When neighbors shook their heads and told her to accept fate, she hissed and said, “Is the river dry before the fish disappears? My son is out there.” Her eyes had grown sharp and hollow from waiting, but her stubbornness burned bright.

And then there was Maame Adjowa. She did not carry the luxury of hope. Her first son, Kweku, was swallowed at Kumasi in the first wave of fighting; her second, Agyenim, was taken at Ofinso. The war drained her womb of pride, and she carried herself with a bitter dignity. She did not speak of them often, but sometimes, when the wind turned, her voice cracked and she muttered, “Two goats, both lost to the bush.” She came to the cocoa tree not for hope, but for companionship. She had no one left in her compound but herself, and silence was heavier than company.

The women sat together as the sun slid down behind the raffia palms, telling small stories to pass the time. They were stories of stubborn goats, of tricks played by the village children, of prices in the market. But underneath each word was the unspoken question: when will they come home?

Customs demanded silence until proof was given. In Asanteman, no one mourned a man without a body, or at least a token, a shoe, a lock of hair. Without it, the ancestors could not accept the spirit, and the man wandered in darkness. The women lived in that in-between—neither wives nor widows, neither mothers nor mourners.

Strangers mistook their silence for strength, but it gnawed like hunger. They remembered the war too clearly: the smell of flesh in bombed markets, the hollow eyes of starving children, the planes that sang death. They remembered burying pots of food from soldiers, chewing cassava peelings to quiet their stomachs. But worst was the leaving, the men taken in droves, some willing, others dragged away at gunpoint.

The men never came back.

The war ended with radio announcements and signatures far away in Kumasi, but in the villages, the war lingered. Women carried the war in their empty beds, their unswept mourning mats, their daughters who grew without fathers to negotiate their bride prices, their sons who never learned to wrestle in the fields with their elder brothers.

Each evening under the cocoa tree was a small rebellion against forgetting. They refused to weep until the truth returned, but in their sitting together they made their grief visible. They were waiting not only for their men, but for the permission to grieve.

Sometimes a traveler passed through, a soldier limping home, a trader from another village, and the women sprang to life, surrounding him with questions. “Did you fight near Sefwi? Did you pass through Kumasi? Did you see men with the name Bediako? Kwamena? Kweku?” They listed the names like rosary beads, hoping one would shine.

Most of the time, the traveler shook his head. Sometimes, he looked away too quickly, as though truth was a bitter kola stuck in his throat.

When the fireflies began to blink in the dusk and the first stars pricked the sky, the women rose, tying their wrappers tighter. They walked home, past the broken houses and fallow fields, back into the emptiness of their compounds. Tomorrow, they would return again.

II

The waiting began to change when whispers started to drift into Asanteman like harmattan dust. They did not arrive loudly, with drums or proclamations, but slipped quietly through the mouths of returning soldiers, the kind who walked with a limp or carried shadows in their eyes.

One afternoon, when the women gathered under the cocoa tree, a boy no older than ten ran to them with wide eyes. He had been at the lorry park fetching water for travelers. “I heard two soldiers talking,” he said, breathless. “They said in Sefwi there are papers. Papers with names. Names of the dead.”

The women stared at him. Maame Kukuuwa clutched her beads, her knuckles white. Maame Efua hissed under her breath, muttering a prayer. Maame Adjowa spat on the ground, her voice flat.

“Names are not bones,” she said. “If they have papers, let them bring us bodies.”

But the rumor stuck. That night, the women could not sleep. They turned on their mats, wondering: Could it be true? Was the state hiding what it knew?

The next market day, the whispers grew louder. A trader from Sefwi, his voice heavy with palm wine, told of a clerk he knew in the government office. “They keep lists,” he said. “When the fighting ended, they gathered names. Men shot in the bush, boys buried by the roadside. They wrote it all down. But the papers are locked away. They will not release them.”

“Why?” the women asked.

The trader shrugged. “Because truth is expensive. Hope is cheaper.”

The words spread like fire through dry grass. Soon, even the children carried them, calling out to one another as they played: “My Dada’s name is in Sefwi!” “My brother’s name is on a list!” Their laughter sounded strange, like the laughter of people who had not yet understood what death meant.

For the women, the whispers were salt rubbed into wounds. They remembered the war too vividly to believe in mercy.

Maame Kukuuwa remembered the night Bediako was taken. Soldiers banged on the door, demanding every man defend the land. “I am a teacher, not a fighter!” he protested, but their rifles silenced him. She watched him vanish into the dark, sandals slapping earth. That night she clutched her newborn so tightly the child cried for breath. If his name appeared on papers, it meant he had not vanished into smoke, yet it also meant he would never return.

Maame Efua would not listen. “Kwamena lives,” she insisted. “Lists are lies. Governments deceive. My son will return.” She roasted yam more fiercely than ever, setting a calabash by her doorway in defiance.

But Maame Adjowa, who had buried hope, believed the rumors. One evening beneath the cocoa tree, she said, “They let us wait because they fear our tears. If they tell us the truth, we will demand justice. If they let us hope, we sit quietly, roasting yam for ghosts.” The women shifted; none dared admit she was right.

A week later, three women, Adjowa, Kukuuwa, and another from a nearby compound, set out for the district office in Sefwi. By the time they arrived, wrappers dusty, throats dry, the yellow paint of the building peeled in the heat. Inside, a man in khaki fanned himself behind a wooden desk, his name tag gleaming, as he listened to their plea.

“We want to see them,” Maame Kukuuwa said, her voice trembling but firm. “We deserve to know.”

The man looked at them as though they were troublesome flies buzzing around his meal. He adjusted his cap, cleared his throat, and spoke with the smoothness of someone trained in avoidance.

“Madam, you must understand that these matters are classified. The government is still reconciling records. You cannot simply walk in and ask for such documents. When the time is right, if the time is right, you will know.”

“But how long must we wait?” Maame Adjowa demanded. “Our dead wander because you hide their names. Do you not fear the wrath of the ancestors?”

The man’s eyes flickered, but he did not answer. He waved his hand dismissively. “Go home, women. Go and farm. Feed your children. Do not trouble yourselves with matters you do not understand.”

They left the office with bitterness burning in their throats. On the walk back, dust rising around their ankles, Maame Kukuuwa cried quietly, while Maame Adjowa muttered curses under her breath.

That night, under the cocoa tree, the women sat in silence. Even the crickets seemed to hold their tongues. The truth was near enough to touch yet held just beyond reach by men who saw their grief as a nuisance.

It was then that a change stirred among them. For years they had waited passively, telling small stories, hoping for footsteps on the road. But now the waiting took on a new shape. The whispers broke something open: if the state would not give them truth, they would find it themselves.

Maame Adjowa said it first, her eyes glinting in the fading light.

“If the papers will not leave Sefwi, then we must leave the papers. There are bones in the bush. Graves by the river. Let us seek them. Let us claim our men with our own hands.”

The women looked at her, startled. It was dangerous talk, the kind that could anger soldiers, the kind that could bring misfortune if spoken too boldly. But as the night deepened, and the cocoa tree swayed in the wind, the idea began to take root.

III

The night the oath was made, the moon hung swollen above Asanteman, silvering the cocoa tree. The air smelled of rain, yet the women lingered, restless, like hens before a storm.

It was Maame Adjowa who broke the silence. “We have waited until our eyes ache from the road. Papers do not speak. Our men lie untended. If we do not bring them home, who will?”

Her words unsettled the group. Maame Kukuuwa touched the frayed coral at her neck. “How shall we know which bones belong to us?”
“The earth knows,” Adjowa replied.

Maame Efua shook her head. “My Kwamena lives. If I dig, I bury him before his time.” Her voice cracked, but she stayed.

The others agreed. To bind themselves, they swore beneath the tree, touching water, tasting cocoa, vowing never to betray the search. Efua kept her silence, defiant but present.

When the first drops fell, the women lifted their faces to the rain. Adjowa’s voice rose steady: “We will not rest until our men rest.”

The storm sealed their promise, and in its thunder, they felt both fear and a strange, rising strength. From that night on, waiting was no longer idle. It had become a vow.

IV

The following Monday, before the cock crowed, the women gathered in the dim blue of dawn. Each carried something small for the journey: raffia baskets, white cloth folded neatly, chalk for marking, clay pots for rituals. None wore bright colors; they wrapped themselves in sober browns and dark indigos, as if to blend with the earth they were about to disturb.

They began with the old men who lingered at the edge of the market square, veterans of a war they did not boast about. These men, bent-backed and hollow-eyed, had once marched with rifles, but now they leaned on sticks carved from acacia.

“Dada,” Maame Adjowa said to one, her voice gentle but insistent, “where did they bury the boys taken in the ambush near Sefwi?”

The old man coughed, spat, and looked away. “Why dig up ghosts, daughter? Let the past sleep.”

“Does a ghost sleep when his bones are unwashed?” she pressed.

The man’s eyes flickered. He pointed with his stick toward the thick brush that swallowed the farmlands. “There. By the old breadfruit grove. We dug quickly. The bombs were falling. I cannot say who is who.”

The women thanked him, their voices heavy with both respect and sorrow. Then they set out, their feet padding silently along the narrow bush paths. Children who spotted them whispered and ran ahead, carrying rumors that the widows were searching for spirits.

The first grave was shallow. The earth there sagged unnaturally, like a belly that had never flattened. With their hands and short hoes, the women scraped the soil away. The stench was long gone, replaced by the dry odor of rust and dust. Bones lay tangled with fragments of cloth and the skeleton of a rifle.

The women did not scream. They did not run. They knelt.

Maame Kukuuwa’s hands shook as she lifted a skull from the soil. Its jaw was broken, one tooth missing. She wiped it gently with the edge of her wrapper, whispering words as though the dead could still hear.

“Come home, love. Your wandering is over.”

They washed the bones in water fetched from the stream, rubbing chalk across the brow, then wrapped them in white cloth. They placed the bundle into a raffia basket as tenderly as if it were a newborn.

“Whose son is he?” one woman asked.

The question hung unanswered. There was no way to know. But it did not matter. Every bone was someone’s husband, someone’s child. To honor one was to honor them all.

They continued. Word spread, and soon hunters guided them to other sites: a trench where bodies had been heaped after an air raid, a hollow by the river where soldiers dumped the fallen before retreating. At each place, the women repeated the rituals, digging, washing, wrapping, singing.

Their songs were old dirges, carried from mother to daughter, laments that rose like smoke into the trees: “Return, return, children of Asanteman.
The earth calls you home.
Your mothers wait, your wives wait.
No longer wander, no longer thirst.”

The forest echoed with their voices. Birds startled from branches, and even the hunters bowed their heads.

Not all encounters were peaceful. Once, near the abandoned barracks at Asanteman North, soldiers confronted them. The men’s uniforms were crisp, their rifles slung carelessly as though war were a distant rumor.

“What are you women doing here?” one barked. “This ground is off-limits.”

“We are collecting what belongs to us,” Maame Adjowa said, her chin high.

“You disturb government property,” the soldier snapped. “These graves are not your business.”

The women stood firm, their bodies forming a wall. Maame Kukuuwa stepped forward, holding a chalk-streaked skull in both hands.

“Is this government property too?” she asked, her voice trembling but fierce. “If your brother lay here, would you leave him for ants?”

The soldier faltered, his eyes darting to the bone in her hands. His gun dipped slightly. For a long moment, the only sound was the wind in the grass. Finally, he spat on the ground and waved them away. “Do what you want. But do not say you were not warned.”

The women did not look back.

Day after day, they combed the land, their baskets filling with bundles of white-wrapped bones. Some villagers whispered that they were mad, that touching the dead would bring curses. Others brought them food, laying the offerings quietly at the foot of the cocoa tree.

By the time the moon turned new again, the women had gathered enough remains to fill three mats. No one knew whose bones lay where, but the women had decided: they would bury them as sons of the whole village.

“We waited long enough,” Maame Adjowa said, her voice low but steady. “Now we will rest them.”

V

The day of the burials came heavy with dust and silence. Harmattan winds veiled the village in grief as the women of Asanteman gathered, wrappers tied high above their breasts, some with shaved heads, others clutching raffia fans.

A line of plain wooden coffins lay before them, names scrawled in chalk. Some held bones, others only earth, but to the women they were anchors after years of uncertainty.

Maame Afrakomah broke the silence with a dirge:
“The great tree has fallen, who will carry its roots?”

A chorus rose. Younger women beat the ground, children clung to mothers, grief spreading like fire through brittle air. Elders poured libations over the coffins, invoking the lost:
“Wherever you have wandered, return. Wherever blood met soil, let the earth remember.”

Abeberese lit a clay lamp for her father, sobbing, “Dada, you can rest now.”

Yet bitterness mingled with mourning. As coffins lowered, Asantewaa’s voice cut sharp:
“Our husbands were not lost to the gods but to men—men who lied, men who left us empty. Let these burials be the beginning of truth.”

The women murmured, nodding. Maame Afrakomah raised her hand.
“They thought our silence was weakness. But we will carry this fight to the councils, to the state, until truth sits open like yam in the market square.”

That evening, when the last mound of earth was patted down and palm fronds planted to mark the graves, the women sat together, exhausted but strangely lighter.

Their mourning had found a home. For the first time since the war, there was no need to wonder if their men still walked the earth.

Asantewaa felt the ancestors close, whispering through the rustle of the palm leaves. She touched the soil with her palm and pressed it to her chest.


“They buried our men once in secret, but today we buried them in the light. The earth has witnessed. The ancestors have heard. And the living will remember.”

The night fell, but the village square glowed with the warmth of small fires. Songs of remembrance replaced dirges, softer, like a lullaby for the dead. The women of Asanteman, long trapped between hope and despair, stepped into a new season.

VI

Maame Kukuuwa stood apart, her frail frame trembling as earth closed over a coffin that did not bear her husband’s name. Tears ran freely, and she whispered into the wind, “Let it be him. Let it be enough.”

Around her, wails rose and folded into one another, a chorus of grief unbound. For the first time since the war, no woman wept alone; sorrow flowed like a river carrying all their losses together. The silence of years shattered, and in its place bloomed a release. The village, at last, had permission to mourn.


Daniel Naawenkangua Abukuri is a Black poet and prose writer from Ghana. His work has appeared or is forthcoming in Transition Magazine, The Malahat Review, Colorado Review, Chestnut Review, Orion Magazine, Berkeley Poetry Review, and elsewhere. He is a Best of the Net, Pushcart Prize, and BREW Poetry Award nominee; first place winner of the African Writers Award (Poetry); winner of Poetry Archive Now Wordview 2025; and a finalist for the 2025 Adinkra Poetry Prize. He was longlisted for the Renard Press Poetry Prize, named an Obsidian Foundation Fellow, and featured in the Obsidian and The Poetry Society Showcase. Find him on Instagram @poetraniel.

Decolonial Passage is honored to announce the nominations for next year’s Best Small Fictions Anthology.  This list includes writing published from January to December 2025.  Congratulations to the nominees!


FLASH FICTION

“The Visitor” by .Chisaraokwu.


“A Voice Note from Johannesburg” by Bobbie Marie

I could always tell when my Haa-mee was enjoying herself – she would forget to hide her tattoos. Around people outside our family, she placed her hands in her lap with the palms facing up or held them behind her back, palms out. When she waited on customers at her and Grandpa’s grocery store, she wore a kimono with long drapey sleeves that slid over her hands, hiding them from sight. Sometimes she wore rubber gloves. When I was small, I didn’t understand why she didn’t want strangers to see the dark geometric designs inked into the tops of her hands and wrists. I found them fascinating – something from another time and place, though nothing to do with me and my American life. But she seemed embarrassed, and I absorbed her discomfort.  

Later I learned that all the girls in her Okinawan village received such tattoos as a form of spiritual protection and a sign of readiness for marriage. At age 19, she sailed to San Francisco to become my grandfather’s “picture bride.” But she saw that American women and even the other Japanese women did not have tattoos, and she must have felt “differentness” for the first time. Even though Japan had annexed Okinawa twenty years before she was born, Haa-mee’s generation never thought of themselves as Japanese. And though Japan banned tattooing, many families continued the practice in secret. The Ryukyu Islands, now the prefectures of Okinawa and Kagoshima, had been a separate kingdom for centuries, and the people kept to their own customs and language – Japan could not change who they were by issuing an edict. 

I’ve lived in the Bay Area for years now, with only sporadic visits home to St. Paul. So busy with work and my husband’s family events, always reasons not to make the trip. But Mom’s voice on the phone is urgent – “Hannah, you need to come now. Haa-mee doesn’t have much longer.”

I arrive disheveled from a day of travel. My grandma looks tiny and pale, dozing in a hospital bed. “Haa-mee?” I whisper. She opens her eyes, which widen in surprise when she sees the indigo circles, squares, and elongated triangles inked into the skin of my outstretched fingers.

 She pulls her hands from under the sheet, grasps my hands, and smiles.

 

 

Elinor Davis was born in Iowa and led a peripatetic childhood. After finishing a BA in sociology and realizing she had no readily marketable skills, she also completed a nursing degree and license. Based in Northern California, she is a freelance writer/editor specializing in health care topics and mentoring writers for whom English is a second language. Her fiction and non-fiction work has appeared in numerous U.S. and international publications.

Decolonial Passage is honored to announce the nominations for next year’s Pushcart Prize Anthology. This list includes writing published during the 2025 calendar year. Congratulations to the nominees!


Poetry

Jesse Gabriel Gonzalez – “Moon Blues”

Yanis Iqbal – “and how shall i walk when the street sings of fire?”


Short Stories

.Chisaraokwu. – “The Visitor”


Essays/Memoirs

Bright Aboagye – “Do They See You?”

Stone Mims – “A Letter to My Grandfather”

Kimberly Nao – “I, too, am California”

Daniel picked up the sandwich as a black ant’s head appeared above the paper plate’s rim.  Antennae wiggling in time with the hum of the house’s A/C unit, the ant paused, assessing the situation.

“It’s OK,” Daniel said, breaking off a few crumb-sized pieces of bread and dropping them onto the plate.

Stomach rumbling, he bit into the sandwich. Dry meatloaf between two stale pieces of hard bread.  No ketchup, mustard, or mayonnaise. Chewing steadily, he tried to turn the lump in his mouth into something edible. As he swallowed, he felt the thick, gummy wad scrape down his throat.    

Earlier that Saturday morning, Daniel was surprised to see his eight-year-old sister drawing at the kitchen table.

“You got baseball?” she asked.

“No.  Work.”

“Dad said we might go to the town pool.”

“Uh-huh.  What you drawing?”

She held up the paper, revealing a rough sketch of a cerapter.

“Pretty good.” The mythical unicorn with wings was one of her favorite things. Drawings and posters of it decorated her bedroom walls.   

Daniel bit into the sandwich as the ant climbed over the rim and onto the plate. He’d planned to go home for lunch. But the man insisted Daniel stay and said he’d give him lunch, as if afraid Daniel would leave and not return. So, here he was, sitting on the concrete backsteps of the man’s house in the sun.

The death of Michael’s father had made no sense to Daniel. But death itself wasn’t something any twelve-year-old fully understood. The week before, in a father and son softball game, Michael’s father hit a blast that shattered a row of lights in the center field tower. The following Monday morning, after saying he didn’t feel like himself, he returned to bed. As she sat weeping at the funeral, Michael’s mother repeatedly mumbled, “He’d never been sick a day in his life.” 

Daniel and Michael met while playing town soccer when they were six. They quickly discovered they lived three blocks from each other and shared an obsession with Spiderman. South of Maple Street, where Daniel lived, Black families now owned every house previously inhabited by white families. Michael lived on Hadley Ave. Hadley and the section of town north of it remained an exclusively white residential area. The areas were separated by three blocks of properties owned by absentee landlords. Rents there were cheap, and the tenants tended to be transient. That area was strewn with dog feces, Styrofoam cups, and fast-food wrappers the wind blew onto the well-maintained properties to its north and south.   

Daniel finished the sandwich, stood up, and stretched. Though the intense heat and humidity had drained his adolescent body’s energy, he was determined to complete the task.

Seeing the ant had carried away the crumbs, he walked down the steps, picked up the garden hose on the ground, and held its bare end away from himself. As he opened the water spigot and took a drink, he heard the man call to him.

 “All done?”

Closing the spigot, Daniel looked up. He raised a hand, sheltering his eyes. The man was on the landing atop the steps.  Daniel nodded. 

“Good.  Back to work then.” The man bent down, picked up the empty paper plate, and disappeared back inside the house.

Before Michael’s father’s death, there’d been no plans for Michael and his younger brother to visit their grandparents that summer. So, Daniel was surprised when Michael asked him to take over his lawn mowing and paper route customers until he returned.  Daniel agreed to do it, realizing the additional customers might help him to earn enough money to buy the sleek, black, three-speed boys’ bike on display in the downtown department store. Then he could give the hand-me-down girl’s bike he used to deliver newspapers to his sister.

Before leaving, Michael introduced Daniel to his customers. Most seemed fine with the

temporary arrangement, though Daniel did notice he got a few odd looks.

After mowing the man’s lawn earlier that week, the man told Daniel he had work for him on Saturday. Daniel said he could be there at 9 a.m., but the man insisted on 7. Daniel proposed 8.  But the man remained adamant about 7. So, not wanting to potentially jeopardize Michael’s relationship with his customer and having been taught to always behave respectfully to adults, he agreed to 7.

When he arrived that morning, the man led Daniel to the large moss-covered mound of dirt, rocks, and glass bottles. He told him he wanted it moved into the woods on the other side of the backyard. Then he gave him a shovel and a bushel basket.

After making a few trips with the bushel basket, Daniel spotted the rusty wheelbarrow leaning against the woodshed. On his first attempt, he overfilled it. It tipped and dumped the load.  His next effort ended when its wheel struck a tree root as he struggled to keep the wheelbarrow’s handles level. The tray then pitched sideways, spilling the load onto the ground. It took a few more tries before he finally got the hang of it.

Ready to resume working, Daniel picked up the pointed shovel and drove its blade into the mound. With slightly more than a week until school started, the money he’d earn today would likely ensure he could buy the bike.

Working through the afternoon, a layer of sweat built on Daniel’s skin. Calluses and blisters surfaced on his hands. Ravenous mosquitoes in the woods attacked him, and the

earthy odor of its black soil and decaying fallen trees covered with sprouted mushrooms grew more intense. He soon lost track of the number of trips he’d made, but finally, by late afternoon,

he’d finished.

“All done?” called out the man from the back door’s landing as the house’s central A/C fan shut off.

“Yup,” answered Daniel from alongside the shed, where he was placing the wheelbarrow, bushel basket, and shovel.

Avoiding contact with the black iron handrail on the steps, the man descended, huffing and puffing. 

“God, it’s hot,” he sighed upon reaching the bottom of the steps. He then pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his forehead. “Let’s see how you did.”

Daniel followed the man to where the mound had been. He watched him inspect the area, then trailed him into the woods. 

“Good job,” said the man, nodding. He reached into his pants pocket and withdrew a fist. “Here.  This is for you.”

As he placed the money in Daniel’s palm, he wrapped his fingers around Daniel’s. 

“Don’t go spending it all on candy.” 

“I won’t. Thank you.”

“No. Thank you!” said the man. Then he released Daniel’s hand.  

 Daniel shoved the money into his pants pocket as they walked across the backyard side-by-side.  The man then told him he might have some more work for him next Saturday. They then said goodbye and parted.

Though his arms were aching and he felt tired, Daniel was pleased with the job he’d

done. About mid-way through the three blocks separating the Black and white sections of town,

he reached into his pocket and pulled out the wad of money. In his hand was three dollars.  Daniel immediately felt angry. Some customers always gave him more than they owed. Others often offered him lemonade or cookies after he mowed their lawns on scorchingly hot days.  Today, he’d missed baseball practice and worked all day. He’d assumed…  but then, he hadn’t asked about the job in advance or negotiated a price for doing it.

When he arrived home, Daniel went straight to his room. He put the three dollars with the other money he’d been saving in a tin can that summer. Then he stripped off his sweat-drenched clothes and went to take a shower. Though the cleansing water felt refreshing, its warmth made his mosquito bites itch.

 After dressing, Daniel counted his money. He then added what he expected to earn the remaining week of the summer. Despite repeating the calculations many times, there wouldn’t be enough money to buy the bike.

“You missed out.”

Daniel looked up. His sister was leaning against his bedroom door frame.  

“We even got slushies after we finished swimming.” She flashed a self-satisfied smile, then turned and walked away.

Sitting on his bed, Daniel tried to think how he could earn the money he needed. The man had said he might have some other work available.  But for three dollars? 

With school scheduled to start on Monday, Daniel stopped at the downtown store after baseball practice to buy the latest Spiderman comic books. Near the sporting goods aisle, he

saw the bike.  Feeling hopeful, he went over and checked its price. No reduction.

Daniel took hold of the bike’s handlebars, swung his right leg over the crossbar, and closed his eyes.  He imagined himself riding the bike through his neighborhood.

“Please don’t play with the merchandise unless you intend to buy it.”

Daniel’s eyes snapped open, and he looked at the female store clerk apologetically. He gave the bike’s handbrakes an affectionate parting squeeze and dismounted.

Following one last look at the bike, Daniel walked over to the comic book section of the store.  There, he selected two Spiderman comics to share with Michael upon his return. As Daniel approached the cash registers, he saw a large stuffed animal. A cerapter. He stopped and flipped its price tag right side up. Buying the comics and the cerapter would take almost all the money he’d earned that summer. Shaking his head, Daniel began walking away. But then he stopped, walked back, and wrapped an arm around the stuffed animal’s midsection.      


     

J L Higgs writes short stories from a Black American perspective that explore the interplay between human emotions and actions. Since July 2016, he has amassed over sixty publications along with a nomination for a Pushcart Prize. He resides outside Boston, Massachusetts. You can find him on Facebook.

And you were inconsolable.

Initially when they rescued you half dead at the shore, you barely cried over the loss of your husband. But some weeks afterwards, you started crying profusely. No one knew why, except you. No one knew the details of the boat accident.

You and your husband both loved to sail. And that day you both set out, an uneasy calm lay between you.

But then, the storm happened. The weather changed from sunny with clear skies to dark and grey with heavy rainfall which quickly turned to a storm, a deadly one.

You were a much better swimmer so, when the boat capsized, you held on to a plank, able to fight against the powerful currents. But your husband of ten years wasn’t as good as you. He panicked and cried out, his eyes scared. He held out his hands expecting you to save him, even as he fought in futility against the strong currents. You looked at him, your eyes cold and unfeeling, seeing opportunity in this misfortune.

And the strong waves of the sea swept him away in minutes with the debris of the boat, his cries ringing in your ears. Somehow you made it to shore.

Everyone thought you had tried to save him, tried your best. Everyone also thought you had a perfect marriage. But you and he knew there were cracks, he was already discussing with a divorce lawyer how to be rid of the marriage as he had found someone new. What was most painful for you, seeing as you both had no children, was that he was already in talks with his legal adviser on changing his will, a will that named you his sole beneficiary.

You had been considering your options since you knew, so the storm was a blessing in disguise, a way to be rid of your husband and then come in possession of all that was rightfully yours.

But now? The problem was a heavy weight of guilt lay on your shoulders. From where? Just weeks after his funeral, you could not fathom. This was the cause of the tears.

Not only that, but you now had nightmares where he appeared to you, his eyes scared and his cries of anguish making you go crazy.


Solape Adetutu Adeyemi is a dedicated professional with a Bachelor’s in Microbiology and a Master’s in Environmental Management. She is a researcher, consultant, passionate environmental sustainability enthusiast, and a talented award-winning creative writer with work published in Writenow Literary Journal, Poetry Marathon Anthology, Kalahari Review, Indiana Review, TV Metro, and The Guardian among others. Find her on Facebook at Solape Adeyemi.

The way he hoists the bag of rice over his shoulders — slouched under the weight, but moving with grim, determined purpose. Exquisite. Sure, he’s got a bit of pudge. But haven’t we all? I’m certainly no peak male specimen. Could stand to lose a few pounds, trim a few hairs.

I’m not judging—only admiring how masterfully he carries the bag. If rice-hauling were an Olympic sport, he’d podium without question.

This is pure respect. Athlete to athlete.

I’m not attracted to him. At least… I don’t think I am. I spent a few formative summers at conversion camp. Daily prayers. Ice baths with shards so sharp it’d cut any temptation right out. One counselor, Brett, said it came from the Devil.

I like to think they did their job. Especially Brett. Though he seemed to struggle with temptation himself — mostly after lights went out. I try not to think about it.

So no — definitely not attraction. Just deep, reverential appreciation… of the human form in motion.

My ex used to say I didn’t appreciate her body. I did. She was like a painting — curves, color, softness in all the right places. I admired her the way you admire something in a museum: respectfully, from a distance, trying not to touch anything.

Sure, sometimes things didn’t… function. But that’s normal. Performance anxiety affects a lot of households. Viagra is a billion-dollar industry for a reason. Millions of couples suffer every year.

That’s why I like being back down South. Feels like there are plenty of men here who just get it. Nobody says anything, of course. Not at church, not anywhere public. But there’s a kind of silent nod we all share.

She wouldn’t understand. So no, I don’t mind that she kicked me out. More time for community, I’d say. Out here, we don’t need fancy labels like “homosexual.” We just keep to ourselves. God-fearing men. Men like my Pa. Men who respect hard work.

Like the rice-bagger. God, he’s good at working. So good. There’s a rhythm to it — shoulders straining, back glistening, that steady, unbothered focus. He was built for labor.

And those scars. Pale whip streaks across his back. He must’ve gone to one of those camps. If not, maybe his Pa just picked up the slack. Hard to say. Could be either.

I think I’m gonna ask him out for a beer. Nothing weird—just to say I respect his work ethic. One hard-working man to another.

And the way he’s been looking at me lately?

I think he gets it.


Sanum Patel is a South Asian writer and attorney based in New York City. He writes both to unsettle and make you laugh, exploring emotional complexity wherever it lives. His writing has appeared in Out Front Magazine, Silly Goose Press, Poetry for Mental Health, and Little Old Lady Comedy. He has been recognized with personal editorial notes by The Missouri Review. You can find him at www.sanumpatel.com and on instagram at sanumpatel. 

Decolonial Passage is honored to announce the 2025 nominations for the Best of the Net Anthology.  This list includes writing published between July 1, 2024 and June 30, 2025.  Congratulations to the nominees!



Poetry

“His Tousled Hair, His Toothly Grin” by Eric Braude

“color you dark” by Ashley Collins

“The Ancestor’s Song” by Leslie Dianne

“Sonics” by Joanne Godley



Fiction

“Michael, Deportee” by Stephenjohn Holgate

“From Glasgow Without Love” by Albrin Junior



Creative Nonfiction

“I, too, am California” by Kimberly Nao

“Note From Nonpeople” by Serhat Tutkal

In the Great Room of the mansion his father’s father built with the purse the colonialists paid him for his service in the first war, my Papa, dressed in full regalia, his favorite pipe snug between his lips, motions the visitor to join him at the table. Papa, a shrewd-minded military man with a penchant for stout and three-fingers whiskey on the rocks, had successfully commandeered a ragtag troop into battle over the amply equipped rebels and won. Three times, officially. Unofficially, ten times. When he demanded retirement after achieving the rank of General, the President was so distraught he named Papa the first and only Field Marshal in our nation’s history.

Above Papa’s head, the fan whirls a frantic hum into the room. Sweat builds across the visitor’s brow despite the simple white and silver agbada he is wearing without head covering. He removes a pale red handkerchief from his pocket, dabs his eyes — avoiding Papa’s — and folds it in his hands. Papa daftly moves his pipe to the other corner of his mouth. The visitor shifts in his seat and licks his lips. He ignores the glass of water before him, his leg quivering beneath the table. Papa eyes the visitor patiently, swirling the ice cubes in his glass of whiskey to shapelessness. A passing police siren joins the fan’s hum.

The visitor, not much older than Papa, has the lazy demeanor of a lousy crook whose sole talent is to steal stolen things from those who have already committed the crime. The type to boast of his feigned bounty while dribbling palm wine from his lips, staining his shirt. The kind our people dismiss until necessary. A scar from his left ear to his chin assaults his otherwise unremarkable face. His scent of malt, sweat, and menthol cigarettes fills the Great Room, invades my lungs. Papa is testing him.

Papa breaks the silence with a joke meant to insult the visitor. The visitor laughs loudly, at first, then chuckles as if he understands nuance. Papa knows the laughter is false, but he indulges him. This, after all, is the way men are with my father: they love him and fear him at once, show all their cards while desperately trying to convince him that they have no cards at all.

“Adanne,” I recall Papa saying to me while we hunted deer, “Not everything we do is about right or wrong. Rather, it is about hierarchies of power and powerlessness. Know where you stand.”

If my mother had her way today, I would be with her at the market or sipping tea with wives and daughters of military men. But I find solace in Machiavelli and Dante, the speeches of Azikiwe, the discourse of men. Papa never discourages it, indulges his first-born’s proclivities. Gives me seat at his table, always. Permits me to speak at will. To the chagrin of his peers, though they’d never show it. I have learned secrets in the Great Room — its high ceilings and oversized furniture conceal nothing, expose everything.

Today, I sense something amiss. I do not speak. My hands press into my lap. Waiting. After the briefest of exchanges, of which no one outside this room will ever know, the visitor rises from the table, walks past my chair, and brushes my shoulder with a single finger. His touch lingering long enough to brand me in the manner of old men, from the old days. This done in the same manner as in the stories my mother used to tell me when I was small, before I thought them too childish to remember.

“Nne,”Papa says, “Please show our visitor to the door. Eh-heh, you’ll be going to his place next Tuesday to pick up a gift for me.”

“Yes, Papa.”

I, too, rise, joining the men.

The visitor smiles, this time his gapped teeth showing, his tongue at the edge of his dry lips. He follows me to the door, bows his head, then leaves. I won’t soon forget the smell of him.


Photo by Chriselda Photography

.CHISARAOKWU. (she/her) is an Igbo American transdisciplinary poet artist. Drawing inspiration from her Igbo heritage, quantum physics, indigenous healing practices, and the natural world, her poetry weaves archives, film, and collage to explore memory in the African diaspora. Published in literary and academic journals, .CHISARAOKWU. has received fellowships from the National Endowment for the Arts, Cave Canem, Vermont Studio Center and more. Learn more about her practice at www.chisaraokwu.com, and you can find her on instagram at naijabella.

Hey, big sister. Just my weekly report. So, I met someone.

It was Sunday afternoon, a time when Johannesburg, but for a brief moment, is its beautiful best.

“How quiet the sun sets,” he said.

We shared the bench, just sitting, watching the children play in the park. Children and mothers like us, so far away from home.  It was how our conversation began as the sun dipped into a fiery horizon — the sky sprayed with colours of gold dust over the mine dumps.

The golden glow softened our words. We exchanged stories — he left home; I left home.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because home had become impossible.”

“Yes?” he replied.

“Maybe one day we won’t need to cross borders to find happiness.”

 He laughed. I liked the way he laughed, a sense of sadness in his eyes.

I asked him to take my picture.

“It’s to send to my sister,” I explained.

He laughed again. “Are you not afraid that I will take more than your picture?”

And to quickly assuage the hesitancy of my response, he asked, “And will you take mine?” He passed me his phone; I took his picture. We scrolled down each other’s screens and laughed at how we imagined each other, such happiness in our eyes. I felt an intimacy when our fingers accidentally touched. A feeling of warmth.

In the excitement of our meeting, we did not exchange numbers when we parted. Then the light faded and so did he, into the Johannesburg shadows, a cold Jozi night.

That night, wrapped in blankets in my tiny room, I kept looking at my phone. Will we meet again? Johannesburg is such a lonely place, alone.

Bye, love.

Your little sister.

 

Bobby Marie is a South African living  in Johannesburg, . He has been a worker and community activist. He is currently writing a memoir, re-membering  his life in the liberation struggle in South Africa and the struggle of his ancestors as ” coolies” from South India. 

Sola Adebayo lingered in her bedroom to avoid her family. As Brent Faiyaz crooned in her ears, she watched the ceiling fan swirl into blurriness and smelled dinner creeping into her room, making its way to her nose. Sola was ready to live on her own. Her mother nagging her to pick up the clothes on the bathroom floor and both parents inquiring about her whereabouts were no longer things she wanted to deal with. She wanted to be in her own space, to be free and spread her wings. She thought about what she would do if she had her own place: walk around naked, let her small, saggy breasts flop with abandon, blast Burna Boy, dance on top of the couch like a madwoman, have a pint of salted caramel ice cream for dinner without anyone judging her. That was the way she wanted to live.

Tonight, Tina stood over a hot stove, preparing a meal that reminded her of home — fufu, spicy tomato and okra stew with assorted meats, suya, and dodo. Fragrant spices and the smell of stockfish left a permanent stench around the house. When Sola was growing up, she hated bringing her school friends over to her home because it reeked of African spices and goat meat. Sola preferred sleepovers at her White friends’ houses because their homes smelled like fresh baked cookies; their parents never cackled loudly into the phone; and their siblings didn’t act like fools. Her friends had normal homes.

“Oya! Food dey ready!” Tina shouted. Her voice was as clear as day even through Sola’s loud music. Sola paused her R&B playlist, removed the AirPods from her ears and went into the dining area.

Sam, her father, was seated at the table, reading glasses hanging from his bulbous nose as he flipped through the newspaper. Sam was a tall, hefty man with a protruding belly full of pounded yam and Guinness beer. There was a burn scar on his left forearm marking the spot where hot water was accidentally poured on him as a child. His dark, shiny head was completely bald, hair having escaped him once he reached his mid-thirties.  Sola could never relate to girls who had good relationships with their fathers. Sam was an old school Nigerian man who believed he was meant to be the breadwinner and dictate how the house should run. He believed he was responsible for providing for the house and guiding his family while the wife did domestic work and the children obeyed and listened to the parents.

Sola sat across from her dad, who continued flipping through his paper. Her sister, Chima, strode in and sat next to Sola. She wore an oversized faded black t-shirt with J Cole’s face on it and black leggings, her blond box breads in a messy bun. Chima had rich, dark skin that was fresh and clear thanks to her genes and her religious skincare routine. Her doe-like brown eyes were framed by wispy lash extensions. Her gap-tooth smile was slightly yellow and crooked, a flaw she was insecure about. Tina would always reassure her that her gap was a sign of beauty in Nigeria, but Chima couldn’t see it. In America, her gap was a deformity.

Without the assistance of anyone, Tina balanced dishes of food in both arms, setting them down at the center of the table. A bowl of oily, spicy stew with an array of meats swimming inside. A greasy plate of fried plantains with a paper towel underneath to capture excess oil. Well-seasoned beef on kabob sticks with sliced cucumbers on the side. Individually saran-wrapped, pounded yams on a serving dish. In front of each chair there were already plates, tumblers, and small bowls of water for washing their hands. Sam slapped his paper down and lunged for the serving spoon, piling his plate with fufu, dodo, spicy stew with shaki, fish, and chicken drums. The others silently piled their plates with food.

Sam rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt, dunked his hand into the bowl of water, and tore himself a piece of fufu, dipping the sticky dough into the stew. He inhaled his food, making a loud, wet popping sound after licking his soiled fingers. Tina threw him a dirty stare.

“Must you eat without first thanking God for your meal?” Tina said in Yoruba.

“Oya! Praise Him then!” Sam snapped back in Yoruba. Tina kissed her teeth and forcefully grabbed her husband’s rough hand, closing her eyes. Sola and Chima followed suit as Tina blessed the food.

“Our Heavenly Father, we thank you. We thank You for the food You provide for us every day and every night and for allowing us to be fortunate enough to put food on the table. We ask Father that You bless this food we are about to eat and let it nourish us, and that You continue to guide our family towards prosperity and peace. We give You all the praise. In the name of Your Son Jesus Christ we pray, Amen.”

“Amen,” murmured the others, in unison.

Sola dipped the tips of her manicured fingers into her bowl of water, flicking off the excess, and sinking her fingers into the soft pounded yam. She drenched her fufu in the spicy stew and popped it into her mouth. The spices of the stew tickled her throat, causing her to cough.

Everyone ate in silence, as the space filled with the sounds of smacking and swallowing. Sola pulled out her phone with her clean hand, mindlessly scrolling through Instagram as she ate.

Sam peered at Sola from the top of his reading glasses. “Put your phone away at the table. We are eating.”

Sola sighed and shut off her phone, slamming it face down on the table. Sam dropped his ball of fufu on the plate. “What’s wrong with you?”

Sola took several beats before saying in a low voice, “Nothing.”

“It’s something,” Sam pressed on. “You would not be disrespecting me if it weren’t so.”

“I’m not disrespecting you. I’m just tired.”

Tina glared at the side of Sam’s head, willing him to stop. Chima bit into a piece of beef, her eyes trained down at her plate.

“So, it is not disrespectful that you slammed your phone down?” Sam inquired.

Sola was growing tired of her father pushing the matter and wished he would let it go. “It was an accident.”

“An accident, ke?” Sam let out a loud cackle.

“Sam, leave it alone,” Tina hissed at her husband in Yoruba.

Jo!” Sam exclaimed, his anger bubbling over. “Don’t allow this girl to disrespect me. I am her father.”

Sola knew her father resented her for wasting his hard-earned money on an art degree. These days, she spent her life sitting in a four-by-four cubicle talking to angry customers about overdue balances on their accounts. Working as a customer service representative was the only job she landed after graduating with a useless art degree. Her dad probably hated her even more for not using the degree. Like most Nigerian parents, Sam and Tina wanted their daughters to be doctors, accountants, and lawyers. They didn’t travel all the way to America for their daughters to live the same struggles they did.

Sam and Tina continued arguing in Yoruba – a language Sola and Chima never learned because their mother didn’t feel the need to teach them. As long as their native tongue was English, that’s all that mattered to her.

Sam slammed his meaty hands on the table, shaking everything on the surface, his anger growing stronger. Tina kissed her teeth and returned to the food on her plate, done with the quarrel. Their marriage was full of nonsense arguments, and love was never present in their union.

Sam returned to chomping in silence. Tension filled the space as everyone tried to get through dinner.

Because Sam wasn’t a man who could let things go, he said in a low, calm voice, “If you continue to disrespect me, I will kick you out.”

Growing annoyed with her father, Sola massaged her temple with the pads of her fingers. This was one reason she wanted to live alone. Dinnertime was meant for family to be together at one table and enjoy each other’s company. In the Adebayo’s house, dinnertime was a mere façade to act like they were one big loving family.

Sola was tired of biting her tongue, tired of caring what her father thought of her. Nothing she said or did was good enough for him.

Chima poked at her food silently, a tiny part of her grateful that their father’s wrath wasn’t upon her. Chima had made the mistake once by siding with her sister, and Sam took his anger out on her, claiming that his daughters were against him and needed to read the Bible so they could be reminded to obey their parents.

“I don’t care if you kick me out because I don’t want to be here anymore,” Sola said, the words spilling out of her mouth before she could stop them. Sam looked at her, his stare hard and menacing. Tina looked in disbelief. Chima poked Sola in the thigh, willing her to stop. Sola and Chima had never dared to talk back to Sam in his own home.

Fueled by the burning rage within her, Sola continued. “I know you hate me because I couldn’t be what you wanted me to be. You’re upset because I failed to secure a good career and thrive after graduation. I know that in your head you compare me to your friends, who have children who are successful doctors and engineers, and wonder where I went wrong.  Why can’t you just accept us as we are?”

Silence followed after Sola’s outburst. Finally, Tina cut through the silence and said, “Why we no fe have a good dinner?”

“I agree. Let’s just let it go,” Chima said, uttering her first words that night.

“But Dad started it!” Sola shouted. “I just simply put my phone down, and he thought I was disrespecting him!”

“Do not raise your voice in my house!” Sam exclaimed, slapping his hands down on the table.

“I’m tired of you resenting me! I don’t want to be here anymore!”

“That’s enough!” Tina shouted, silencing everyone with her words. “Stop this nonsense! Just eat and shut up!”

“Tina, you are the reason why these girls talk back to us,” Sam said.

“Me, ke?”

“Yes you.” Sam stabbed his index finger at his daughters. “You don’t know how to set them straight. Because of you, these two don’t know how to respect their elders.”

“What did I do?” Chima asked.

Ignoring Chima’s question, Sam and Tina started back up on their own argument, throwing insults at each other in Yoruba. Chima, used to their loud arguments, continued to eat like nothing was happening. Sola stared at the food on her plate, her appetite gone. All she wanted at this moment was to be as far away from her dysfunctional family as possible.

Once they were done with their screaming match, Sam cleared his plate, licked the leftover stew off his fingers, and stood up.

“Sola, I want you out of this house by the end of the week. I will not take any more disrespect from you,” Sam said.

“Sam—” Tina started.

“Don’t question me,” Sam snapped at Tina. “That is final.” Without another word, he grabbed his newspaper and went upstairs.

Defeated, Tina got up and grabbed her and her husband’s empty plate. Sola and Chima sat alone.

“Did that make you feel better?” Chima asked.

Sola scoffed. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, did it feel good to ruin dinner with your outburst?”

“I didn’t ruin dinner. All I did was stand up for myself. You should try it sometimes.”

Chima shook her head. “You know how Dad is. He’s never going to change.”

“But that doesn’t mean we have to tolerate his disdain for us.”

“I just wouldn’t have gone about it that way.”

“Whatever. You don’t understand,” Sola said. Being around her family depleted her energy. They could never just have a nice, normal family dinner. From this day on, she was done caring about meeting expectations.

“I do understand. I understand that you’re frustrated. I understand that you want Dad to see that you’re trying. I just think there’s a different way to go about it,” Chima said, tearing into a drumstick with her long black nails.

Sola tapped her nails on the edge of her plate, not responding to Chima’s statement. It was useless explaining something to someone who truly didn’t understand.

Once they finished dinner, they helped their mother with the dishes. They wiped the table free of stew drippings and vacated into their rooms. Sam — who had changed into his plaid pajama pants and ratty white t-shirt — lay in bed, reading the rest of his newspaper. Tina lay on the other side of him, nightgown and bonnet on, watching the 10 o’clock news on TV, its sound lowered to not disturb Sam.

 Chimah sat on the fuzzy beanbag in the corner of her room, listening to a guided meditation practice to cleanse her mind of the night’s debacle.

Sola, hoping to drown out thoughts of a dinner destroyed, popped her earbuds back in and listened to soft R&B music in her dark room. She wondered what it would be like if everyone in her family actually loved each other and worried if her father’s feelings would be the same tomorrow morning.


Rita Balogun is a Nigerian American writer who studied creative writing at Stephen F. Austin State in Nacogdoches, Texas. She currently freelances as a ghostwriter.

When Grandma died, I made fufu for the first time in years, even though I’d hated the taste of it as a child.

I bought cassava flour downtown in an African store where I hardly shopped. Had to ask the owner to point me to the correct aisle — twice — because I couldn’t find it on my own. How embarrassing.

Back at my place, I rummaged through cupboards for half an hour in a quest for a spatula that could serve as a fufu stick.

After eight years living in my fancy apartment, in the fancy neighborhood of my big fancy city, I’d accumulated an assortment of cute kitchen utensils, none of which could be used to make an African recipe from scratch. I had no pestle and mortar to pound yams, no knife big enough to crack coconuts, no pot large enough to make peanut stews.

It was too late to drive back to the African store, and I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of the owner for a second time, so I settled for one of my big wooden spoons. It was made of deep brown acacia. Normally, I only used it to sample batches of dairy-free pesto or fine Italian Bolognese, but it was long and looked strong enough; I figured it could work.

When the fufu was ready, I didn’t bother setting the living room table or turning on the TV. I didn’t check my cell phone. I knew what my voicemail was like. Full of messages from people (colleagues, neighbors, ex-boyfriends) sending their short and polite condolences, not because they shared my sadness — none of them knew Grandma — but because they felt like it was the right thing to do.

I brought my plate to the dining table and lit a wax candle. We’d often do that back home whenever there were power outages. A bunch of us grandkids would gather, sit on plastic chairs around a rectangular table, then wait for Grandma to bless our food while silently praying for the day when our uncles and aunties would get their shit together and finally pitch in to buy their mother a generator.

The fufu was fuming but I didn’t wait for it to cool down. I scooped a first plate and ate it with thick tomato sauce and a couple of sardines canned in oil, just like Grandma liked. A simple but filling meal. After washing it down with a ginger drink that I’d had the good sense to buy at the African store, I went for a second plate.

This time I ate with my hands. Slowly and intentionally letting the juice of the tomato sauce mix with the oil of the sardines and melt the fufu paste. I kneaded a bit of that soft fufu between my fingers, blew on it to bring it to an acceptable temperature, then chewed and swallowed without hurrying, like our elders do.

I don’t know if it was the gravity of the moment, the many memories of Grandma rushing through my mind or that feeling — unbearable — of missing a home I’d probably never go back to, but suddenly it hit me. That combo — the cheap fufu-sardines-tomato-sauce mix that a younger me had complained about — was delightful. A world-class meal. It tasted like red soil, dry seasons and warm climates. It tasted like cousins’ daily fights and late afternoon reconciliations. It tasted like Grandma sitting on her plastic chair watching us from the corner of her veranda. It tasted like heaven.

I sank into my sofa chair; inhaled and exhaled gently. Then, for the first time in a very long time, I allowed myself to cry.


Sabrina Moella (she/her) is a Congolese-Canadian writer based in Toronto. Born in France from Congolese parents, she grew up in Paris and started writing as soon as she was old enough to hold a pen. Her interests include topics such as immigration, womanhood, body image and family lineage. She self-published her first novel Fifteen is for Padded Cups in 2021. Her first fiction podcast series A Song in the Sky/Nzembo Ya Bénie was launched in 2024. She is currently working on her second novel. She can be found at @sabrinamoella on social media and on her website sabrinamoella.com.

Nah bruv, you should be talking to me, still. Not them man who did all kind of foolishness and got caught and sent back after four months in Harlesden or Moss Side or Handsworth. I never really done nothing wrong and they still shipped me out to this place. Fuckery, innit?

Still, could be worse, I could be like one of them man that don’t have any family left here. Sometimes you see them walking around like zombies. All cracked out and thing. Nothing else for them to do, it’s not like anybody likes them. I used to think the British didn’t like outsiders, but I was wrong. This place don’t like outsiders. They don’t even like man from the next parish over. They tolerate tourists cos they come in with a little money and thing. But man like me. We are at the bottom of the shit heap, I’m telling you.

Yeah, I was born here, but I left when I was two and only came back for one holiday when they buried my nan. I didn’t know shit about this place before they sent me here. I thought it was paradise. Before they deported me, I thought well, I got family here, it’s warm, at least it won’t be so bad.

I was wrong. Fucking wrong.

When I first turned up they had me in that little deportee house where they just about have electricity and you got to share some little room with next man. One man was in that place crying like a little boy the whole first day. I was like, you need to turn the volume on that wailing down, bruv. It’s not no-one’s funeral, you’re still alive. Shut up, you get me.

Still, pure noise so we booted him out of the house for the day until he calmed down. Two twos, we hear one big old bit of noise outside and when we look out the window there’s like five or six people just thumping him up out on road. I was like, what is this? Man runs down the street and back into the house and hides in his little room and starts bawling even louder.

That was when I first realised that this place might not be the paradise I thought it was. Still, he might have done something to somebody out there, you know? That’s what I thought at the time, didn’t want to believe that this place was gonna be difficult for me.

They didn’t want you to stay in the house so there was just about enough electricity for a little lamp in your room and a shower. A cold shower. That might not sound so bad considering it’s always warm here, but when everything else is shit, a cold shower is what can break you.

I only stayed there a couple of weeks, until I moved out here with my uncle. But in that time it was a madness. I seen two man get into a fight that nearly ended in a stabbing, I seen a man get chased by a woman with a machete, fucking thing looked like sword, and no-one helping him, I seen a crowd of people chase someone who they said was a thief and they beat him with bits of board and stuff they found on the roadside until the police come and take him away. I seen crackheads and drug dealers and teenagers with guns, mad people walking the streets and everyone ignoring them like they might catch something if they go near, people dressed in white packed on the back of pick-up trucks singing religious songs loud over Tannoy speakers as they drive past kids sleeping on the roadside. Bruv, this place ain’t no paradise. Especially the city. Nah, that place is messed up.

When my uncle come and picked me up, I was so happy. It was like escaping hell. I don’t know what happened to the mandem I left behind. None of us had phones, some of them didn’t have no family here, they might have just kicked them out to make way for whoever is getting off the plane next. Nuff of them man were getting involved with shotters, smoking crack and whatnot. Nitty behaviour.

I’m telling you, bruv! These streets is rough. When I was a younger, we used to do some foolishness for the olders on the estate, run this bag here, carry this thing there, all for one little cheeseburger from Maccy’s. But down here, especially in the city? Life ain’t worth a packet of crisps. And because we come in now sounding different, not Black in the right way or some shit, we have to go to the bottom of the pile. Even when I go market, I hear people talking about me. Talking about my kind and how it’s people like me that are causing all the trouble going on in the country.

I know some of the mandem that get sent back here get involved with criminals, but them dons who give them guns was here before the deportees returned. It weren’t like we come down here and set up a whole criminal organisation that never existed. But that’s the way people are, innit? Looking for someone to blame and we was the last ones in so it must be us.

That’s, like, the worst part, get me. In England all the newspapers and thing always running a bruvva down. It’s always immigrants coming here and doing this, or if something goes wrong how dark your skin comes before they say your name. Asian lawyer caught in drugs raid. African businessman in tax avoidance shame. Live in that country twenty years and wake up to them reminding you that you don’t belong in size forty-two font on the front page of the newspapers.

And then they send you back home, or what they calling your home, some place you can’t remember, that you only ever seen in faded, sepia photographs that your nan and grandad have locked up in the guest front room and the people who sort of look like you start telling you that you don’t belong here neither.

I’d like to know where I’m supposed to belong. Like, where is my fucking home, yeah?

All this for some traffic offences. As if running two red lights and failing to pay couple parking tickets means you should be sent from the place you’ve lived for twenty-five years to some next place where you was born but can’t remember.

Look, yeah, they took me to the detention centre, Home Office and that said I don’t really have no ties to the country because I ain’t married, don’t have no children and don’t own a house. How can I afford a house in London? I don’t know no-one that owns their own house. Still, before I could say nothing or call no-one, I’m on a plane headed back here.

Then when I reach the place where they keep us it’s ramshackle. One bruk down place that had roaches and all sorts. I left, cos I ain’t staying in that place. Some of them man stayed cos they ain’t had no options, at least I had family I could come live with. I knew them from when my mum would send us home for holidays. And family look after each other here, even if they are always in your business and think they can give advice when you ain’t ask for it.

At first, yeah, people was cool. They would say good morning and all that, ask about London and thing. Then they heard the story that I was one of them deportees and people changed. It was like I had some disease. People started crossing the road and avoiding me. Making up their faces like they smelled shit. I heard them talking to my auntie and uncle and complaining loudly about England was sending back home the dregs of society and how we were England’s problem and we shouldn’t be sent here.

Like I wanted to be sent to this place. It’s nice for a holiday, but fucking hell, I like having electricity and water that don’t go off for the whole weekend, you get me? Yeah it’s warm, but I had central heating back home. Home. Fucking hell. Home feels a long way away.

So I left one place where they say I don’t belong and come down here and hear people saying I shouldn’t be allowed back, telling me I’m England’s problem cos they created me. Fuckery, innit? Bruv, where am I supposed to go and live and find some peace?


Stephenjohn Holgate lives in Aotearoa New Zealand and writes fiction. He is a member of Writing West Midlands’ Room 204 writer development program and HarperCollins UK Author Academy 2023. His story, “Delroy and the Boys,” won a 2023 Pen/Dau prize. His short story “The Skull of an Unnamed African Boy” was longlisted for the Guardian/4th Estate 4thWrite Prize. He can be found @mistaholgate on social media and his Substack is Jack Mandora Story.